Okay, so it's not a regular post, but it's all I've got to offer right now. Here are the lyrics for a song I'm working on, feel free to absolutely demolish them.
The seasons change
And Spring finds its way
To San Francisco
The light laid down
Now clings to Bay and building
A most beautiful back drop
But it could never be enough for me
I whisper to the winds
“Darling, I am lost”
Lost in thoughts
Of what could have been
What might have been
What never was
If it ever was
Memories of words we claimed
“Let’s step out
Let’s take a chance.”
But there’s no chance
Just patterns that remain
Patterns we can’t change
We can’t change
So we find our own roads
Turn our backs on places we can’t go
Follow what we’ve come to know;
There’s nothing more
To hold us back
No more thoughts to what we lack
I’ll never be the one to say
Love goes easily
I’ll never be the one
Seasons change
Summer’s just around the bend
And I’m running
On my own again
And I am running
to Chicago
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
Sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be demolishing your lyrics. Partly because I have no idea how to critique music, but mostly because I like the lyrics.
In particular, I like the transition from understanding that there are patterns over which we have no power at the end of the third stanza (is stanza the right word for lyrics?), to finding our own roads and the attitude of acceptance in the fourth. Very cool section there.
Because I think it's best to receive critical feedback too, I'll say that while I really like the bookending you do with the Spring and Summer stanzas, I find that the beginning doesn't feel like a beginning. It feels like I'm in the middle of something, and the beginning isn't shown. However, maybe here is where the melody comes into play. With a good musical opening, maybe that will fill in the beginning, making the lyric start just perfect.
The only thought that occurs to me right now is
"how typically male. he won't stop to ask for directions".
Hey, at least I admit that I'm lost.
Mike, while I agree that it seems to start "in media res," that's kind of what I wanted. The whole song's about feeling lost in the midst of a time of change and trying to find direction, and not having a definitive beginning kind of strengthens it. However, there is a melodic guitar part that makes the beginning feel solid. It's on my myspace: www.myspace.com/summergoessoftly
Post a Comment